Just some thoughts someone shared with me after an incidence that happened on a November day 2005. And that is all that it comes down to...as the scope of what happened and it's effects reverberates in many dimensions and levels and would be impossible to put into words.

Sometimes I wonder, who in me does need you? Why is it that when you suddenly disappeard unexpectedly and without a word, there was so much pain? Who felt this pain that would have had me cry all day if I could do that?
Why this spontaneous thought: but I need you?
Why this sense of cruelty?.
I wonder about you and how you are doing.

And I have to fall back on those words I have used as a mantra:
Trust and Grace.
Trust in the greater Being, the movement and wisdom of "the Universe". Living with so much uncertainty again and again and again.
I wish you could come here and work with us, and we can see what is possible then. But then who is that "I" that wishes? Between ego/psyche and being, desire and longing, attachment and vibrational attraction and compatibility...where is the line? Still, I wish you'd come and stay and work with us. Considering the spaces that become accessible through you, I can only say I need you. Even your act of suddenly disappearing.

What is the expression of emotion in the higher human, the developed harmonious human being? Never mind what you call it then, what does it look like? And, is it ever really free of attachment? In anyone YOU know?
If you are living entirely removed from expressing certain forms of it...I simply don't believe when you say you are not attached. You are afraid of it maybe, or rather, the loss of it again.

Longing for Union when it's impossible...the pain of that. What if, when you are in the work, Union is always beyond your reach? I guess, so it seems, Rumi eventually found it inside himself...but did he not spend many hours with his friend?

I know I can work with you. We are working, well, this one here is.
And you dissappearing is painful...
There are many way to look at it, but in the end, I can only accept it. Drop down into a place of patience and kindness and notknowing knowing. Maybe stillness would describe it. If I do anything else, the pain eventually becomes unbearable and "I" become non functional....no matter how much someone may say: don't mind the pain: it would kill to have to keep feeling it.

To live without hope in the knowing of eternal aloneness is something I have not really accepted. I feel it, but I resist it as the truth.
Longing for G-d...when "it" is everywhere..including in and as you and me. How can we use what is there in the best way in service?

You are you and I am I and if we find each other and can work together, that is beautiful to me. If not, it can't be helped. Your presence has helped me so much. Why did you go, and did you really have to go like that? You could have let me know.
And how is your coming and going a reflection of me?

I am here.

Waiting